I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize