party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Everything about him screamed your future.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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