I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
