If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
He did a backflip because drugs
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
