you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Randomize
