Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Randomize
