They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
its not stalking. its research.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
