Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
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