don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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