My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize