respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Hey I'm coming to get my gin do you want a good luck blowjob for your exam tmrw
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
