Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
So I think before Superbowl weekend begins we should all take a look back on last year and learn from our pitfalls... AKA no touchdown shots and kitchen crying.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
