i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
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