think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
