I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
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