I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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