so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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