I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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