I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
