you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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