My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
