My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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