Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
