I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
