she was so not down for the gang bang
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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