you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
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