1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
