a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Duck Duck Cougar?
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
