that's an acceptable place to lick
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
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