Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
