; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
from now on my penis is your penis
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
