The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
she pinky promised me she was 18
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
Randomize
