And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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