Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
Randomize
