dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
