Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
