I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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