remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
