she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I wish they made helmets for livers.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
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