Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
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