i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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