If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
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