Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
My bed is full of blood and feathers
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
