Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
