Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
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