When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
