I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Randomize
