every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
