If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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