just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize