I want you more than these girls want KFC
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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