I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
