im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize