Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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