Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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