is your mom at the bar?
This is not my ceiling
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
Randomize
