Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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