im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
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