Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
