Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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