so let's talk penis.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize
