I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize
