Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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