Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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