You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize
