best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
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