those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
Say something about gay babies.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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