if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
