standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Randomize
