people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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